As mentioned, a marriage crisis does not have to mean the end of everything. It is desirable that the spouses take out party of this situation.
The relationships are the best mirror to learn from one / or same / o know in depth. Perhaps for that reason, they are not easy and often fail to overcome certain obstacles.
When we meet another person for whom we feel captivated, two things happen: see in it that we admire and that we do not have on one hand, and, on the other, we attract and we attract those who resonate with our inner wounds, but not we are aware of them (or precisely for this reason).
It happens for some strange phenomenon, that most traits that initially more we liked our / or partner / or are just tolerating the least. If allowed to take power or that we are carried away by inertia, it can occur a marital crisis (or couple).
Signs that things are not going so well
When we are leaving to “see” the other person, with whom we share (supposed) a compromise, certain symptoms appear: less and less communication there or it is difficult and generates more conflict to be solved. No longer want to share as much quality time with your partner, or it is completely nonexistent. Sex hardly exist or cease to be.
Causes of marital crisis
Begin to assume that we know everything about our partner; not value it for who he is and demand it as we want; stop conquer and strive because we assume your love; no respect in word or deed (it may simply be that angry us have some activity that excludes us, literally does not have to be physical abuse); enclosed in routines and let spontaneity and surprise side; devote too much space to the children; devote too much time to work and / or activities not shared with the other …
These are some of the causes of the marital crisis appears in many couples.
To avoid as much as possible
These reactions degrade completely any relationship, aggravating the crisis and creating conflicts in the couple:
Use confidential information or weaknesses companion to deliberately hurt him. Disrespect (shouts and / or continued abuse). Revealing something that told us in moments of intimacy when the relationship went through a better stage. Ridiculing other in front of another as revenge (or system). Disqualifying their opinions or their personal goals, in private or in public.
If we stay together who keeps any of these behaviors usually, we must consider what we do with someone like that, it is a clear symptom of a devaluation / or same / o.
Guidelines healing
Sometimes it is difficult to assess if we fight harder for a relationship, or have time to finish it and continue walking separately. Or we spend so much time immersed in the marital crisis, when we realize that there are very little or nothing to do about it.
For starters, a couple is formed by two people, therefore both have to be proposed to go ahead working to improve the relationship. If one of the two is determined to go it alone, assuming full responsibility and carrying the load, it will not get more than burning or continue to suffer.
Joan Garriga, a known systemic and Gestalt therapist, says that the beginning of any relationship would be equivalent to “I like you, but do not see.” Then would come the next stage: “I begin to see, but you still liking me.” And finally, the one that defines the maturity of the couple would be: “Do I see and there are many things I do not like, although I am willing to go and see what happens.”
In marriage or partner, the phenomenon of “projection” is evident, and although Gestalt therapy adopted him as one of its mainstays, Freud had already defined this concept before. (*)
Becoming aware each of the partners, of what we project in whom we have with us, while maintaining a genuine and in-depth communication and maintaining respect for the other, it leads to avoid the worst of a marital crisis, and get better relationship (however long it lasts this).
It is important to have common projects while preserving individual.
(*) “Project” is to see someone else that does not recognize nor tolerate in ourselves, and that both may be something that does not please us and not allow ourselves, as we admire.
Synthesizing
Our partner is the one who more tests us and at the same time that allows us to grow as a person, if we channel it properly.
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