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Oh Yey! Oh No! It’s the Town crier

At every civic function, media event or local news report about a local issue in a market town you find the same thing rolling up. It’s like it’s a contractual obligation. We are talking about the “heritage” Town Crier. Up they come in the usual uniform of doublet and hose and Swan or Goose feather in their black Tudor hat. It’s an explosion of mock Tudor wardrobe with a massive voice backing it up. If your looking for someone to shout your business up then try this Cheltenham Marketing Agency at https://www.iplus.marketing  before the Crier.

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We don’t need Town Criers anymore. We have the radio, television and online news. For some reason though local authorities feel the need to keep some loud retired person who likes dressing up in reserve to show the town still has a market charter. The Crier was the loudest person in the village or town and they would announce the news. They would ring a bell to signify that a proclamation was forthcoming and shout “Oh Yey, oh yey” or “Hear ye, hear ye”. At this sound the towns’ people would sit up and wait for the dulcet tones of the Crier to bellow out the news. This was usually that the King was dead, alive, invading France, was ill or had got married. Royal births were also popular.

“In other news!” shouted the crier; “a two headed goat was born to Farmer Smyth and there will be meeting of the town council about the ongoing problem of the rats in the grain stores!”, or something like that. They also liked to start the announcement with the day and the date plus a nod to God and how he should bless us all. Don’t forget that literacy levels were non-existent in the majority of the populace and Caxton wouldn’t get his printing press together for several years later even if they could read what came out of it. The point is there was a need for this employed shouter. That is not the case now.

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It’s ceremonially something that is dragged out for when there is a local announcement on the TV. It seems that the need is to have the mayor and his fancy necklace there as well. Should you see the position in the job centre or online there seems to be three things that constitute the minimum requirements. Firstly, you must be loud. Like Brian Blessed loud, he’s like the pin up of all Town Criers and what they aspire to be as we shall see as we move to the next category. Secondly you must have a bushy beard. I mean the type that Starlings could quite happily nest in. Although, they won’t appreciate it when you’re giving out the fact that you declare the new Tesco’s open. It will seem like a poor imitation of the Doves at the Olympics. Finally, you must be rotund, stout, of a larger stature. Fat, in other words but I tried to sugar coat it.

So if you’ve got a shop or road system that needs opening and you want a bit of local colour, just call on the Town Crier. They’re probably called Clive too.


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